My Tattoos

In December of 2012 I got my first tattoo, which was followed by three others in June of 2013 and March of 2014. 

This was my first tattoo. It took three hours, no breaks, and no tears! The two roses symbolize growth and beauty. The paw print symbolizes the wolf. The Latin words "Spiritus Lupi" translate to "Wolf's Spirit". The cross in the treble clef symbolize my love for music and faith. Lastly, the symbol within the paw print in the 5th chakra and it stands for "communication".

These were my second and third tattoos. God is Love and Love is God. Pretty self-explanatory, but to me it really symbolizes that all things are possible through love, all things are possible through God. Love and God, God and Love, are in essence the same. I feel a person can love more fully with God in their life and I feel that someone can understand God better with Love in their life.

This is my fourth and most recent tattoo. "Louve" in French means "She-wolf" (same as female wolf) and another reason I loved this word was because it looks very similar to the English word "Love".

My Puppy, Tonks

A lot has changed since April, 2012. One of those changes is now I have my dream dog. This is Tonks, my 4 month old Newfoundland puppy. She is named after the Harry Potter character. For those of you interested in knowing more about the Newfoundland breed here is a link to follow Newfoundland Club of America. I traveled up to Redding California to get her and she is now a huge (literally and figuratively) part of my life. At 4 months old she is already 37 pounds and growing every day it seems. She runs like a grizzly bear cub and has the face of one, too, except all black (as clearly displayed by the pictures). Her favorite past times are playing with her toys, taking long naps, playing in her water bowl, and terrorizing my other dog Manchu (in photo above) and the two cats we have.  She is currently in puppy training classes, but sometimes I worry about whether or not I will be able to control her when she outweighs me (she is expected to be anywhere from 95-120lbs). She overall is a very smart and obedient and extremely loving dog, but around other animals and people all she wants to do is jump all over them. We are definitely working on controlling this. So far she hasn’t destroyed anything in the house and we hardly puppy-proofed it, so she isn’t destructive. The biggest task we have with her now is getting her to leave the other pets alone, and staying calm when guests come over. Sometimes she really tests my limits, but overall she is my big baby.

April, two years later

So, it’s been a while since I’ve written on here, but recently I’ve been inspired to start using this blog again though I’m not sure if anyone looks at it. However, for those who might, it’s time to catch up on the past two years I’ve fallen MIA. After being in love twice during the last two years and realizing that neither of those loves were very beneficial to me, I’m inspired to try to think more positively. I know that doesn’t make much sense, but I have this feeling that won’t go away that it was my negativity, worry, and never being satisfied that played a part in the destruction of two relationships, both of which I thought would last “forever.” And now that I’ve begun a new relationship with someone who I greatly admire and yet I’m already beginning to sink back into my worrisome, unsatisfied, negative ways, I am attempting to put a stop to it immediately.

I believe this year the biggest challenge for me will be to let things happen as they need to happen. I’m extremely impatient, I’m impulsive, and stubborn. Yet I’m a hopeless romantic. All of these things combined, I’m pure danger. However, someone has accepted the challenge that is me, and with accepting me I have allowed myself to begin to sink deeper and deeper into the challenge that is him. My main goal is to accept him with pure positivity. Wish me luck as I begin another chapter of my life, one that I desperately hope will be more beneficial to me than the past two years. I have no idea where this is going to go, and while my mind immediately wants to focus on the negative what-ifs, I won’t let it. Controlling my mind is my most difficult challenge, but I’m taking it. I have to if I want to reach my goals. I will enjoy every moment of whatever this is and whatever this will be. 

Your Tug On My Heart

Your Tug On My Heart

By Paige D. 4/2/14

Hey, hey, see me

Pat attention to me, please notice me

Listen to the voice in your head

And the skip in your heart

Whenever you come near me

Hey, hey, see me

Was what the tug on my heart said

When we first met, when I first gave in

I always knew deep inside something

Was special when I looked into your eyes

There may not have been fireworks

But there was still a tug on my heart I couldn’t

Ignore, and when we got to talking,

It was like I was suddenly walking on air

But I had so many stepping stones

To stumble over before I met you

And I’m still stepping over a few

Which is why I’m still a little scared inside

When I think of how close we’ve come so soon

I feel the love and devotion, the comfort and hope,

And I want all of those feelings to continue to grow

Healthily and happily between me and you

Once again, I am finding faith

In the love of another

Now I put that faith in you

I know I am still damaged

But I know I met you for a reason

I am holding onto that belief

And so I took that little tug I felt

And I took a chance and made you mine

I can’t promise that I’ll be your forever

I swore I’d never make that promise again

Because I’m not easy to love

But I can promise that I want to be

And though I can’t say that I’m not afraid

Please know that I am still happy

I want our dreams to mesh

Our trust to be unbreakable

Our love to be the puzzle piece to each other

Is it scary that I already want so much?

But I know that for a while you have

Wanted to know what it would be like to love me

And secretly I wondered if you could

Now, I am yours, and you are mine

I just want a love that can last

That is why I could not ignore

Your tug on my heart

We write our story together now

And maybe instead of writing The End

We will write Eternity…