My Tattoos

In December of 2012 I got my first tattoo, which was followed by three others in June of 2013 and March of 2014. 

This was my first tattoo. It took three hours, no breaks, and no tears! The two roses symbolize growth and beauty. The paw print symbolizes the wolf. The Latin words "Spiritus Lupi" translate to "Wolf's Spirit". The cross in the treble clef symbolize my love for music and faith. Lastly, the symbol within the paw print in the 5th chakra and it stands for "communication".

These were my second and third tattoos. God is Love and Love is God. Pretty self-explanatory, but to me it really symbolizes that all things are possible through love, all things are possible through God. Love and God, God and Love, are in essence the same. I feel a person can love more fully with God in their life and I feel that someone can understand God better with Love in their life.

This is my fourth and most recent tattoo. "Louve" in French means "She-wolf" (same as female wolf) and another reason I loved this word was because it looks very similar to the English word "Love".

My Puppy, Tonks

A lot has changed since April, 2012. One of those changes is now I have my dream dog. This is Tonks, my 4 month old Newfoundland puppy. She is named after the Harry Potter character. For those of you interested in knowing more about the Newfoundland breed here is a link to follow Newfoundland Club of America. I traveled up to Redding California to get her and she is now a huge (literally and figuratively) part of my life. At 4 months old she is already 37 pounds and growing every day it seems. She runs like a grizzly bear cub and has the face of one, too, except all black (as clearly displayed by the pictures). Her favorite past times are playing with her toys, taking long naps, playing in her water bowl, and terrorizing my other dog Manchu (in photo above) and the two cats we have.  She is currently in puppy training classes, but sometimes I worry about whether or not I will be able to control her when she outweighs me (she is expected to be anywhere from 95-120lbs). She overall is a very smart and obedient and extremely loving dog, but around other animals and people all she wants to do is jump all over them. We are definitely working on controlling this. So far she hasn’t destroyed anything in the house and we hardly puppy-proofed it, so she isn’t destructive. The biggest task we have with her now is getting her to leave the other pets alone, and staying calm when guests come over. Sometimes she really tests my limits, but overall she is my big baby.

April, two years later

So, it’s been a while since I’ve written on here, but recently I’ve been inspired to start using this blog again though I’m not sure if anyone looks at it. However, for those who might, it’s time to catch up on the past two years I’ve fallen MIA. After being in love twice during the last two years and realizing that neither of those loves were very beneficial to me, I’m inspired to try to think more positively. I know that doesn’t make much sense, but I have this feeling that won’t go away that it was my negativity, worry, and never being satisfied that played a part in the destruction of two relationships, both of which I thought would last “forever.” And now that I’ve begun a new relationship with someone who I greatly admire and yet I’m already beginning to sink back into my worrisome, unsatisfied, negative ways, I am attempting to put a stop to it immediately.

I believe this year the biggest challenge for me will be to let things happen as they need to happen. I’m extremely impatient, I’m impulsive, and stubborn. Yet I’m a hopeless romantic. All of these things combined, I’m pure danger. However, someone has accepted the challenge that is me, and with accepting me I have allowed myself to begin to sink deeper and deeper into the challenge that is him. My main goal is to accept him with pure positivity. Wish me luck as I begin another chapter of my life, one that I desperately hope will be more beneficial to me than the past two years. I have no idea where this is going to go, and while my mind immediately wants to focus on the negative what-ifs, I won’t let it. Controlling my mind is my most difficult challenge, but I’m taking it. I have to if I want to reach my goals. I will enjoy every moment of whatever this is and whatever this will be. 

Your Tug On My Heart

Your Tug On My Heart

By Paige D. 4/2/14

Hey, hey, see me

Pat attention to me, please notice me

Listen to the voice in your head

And the skip in your heart

Whenever you come near me

Hey, hey, see me

Was what the tug on my heart said

When we first met, when I first gave in

I always knew deep inside something

Was special when I looked into your eyes

There may not have been fireworks

But there was still a tug on my heart I couldn’t

Ignore, and when we got to talking,

It was like I was suddenly walking on air

But I had so many stepping stones

To stumble over before I met you

And I’m still stepping over a few

Which is why I’m still a little scared inside

When I think of how close we’ve come so soon

I feel the love and devotion, the comfort and hope,

And I want all of those feelings to continue to grow

Healthily and happily between me and you

Once again, I am finding faith

In the love of another

Now I put that faith in you

I know I am still damaged

But I know I met you for a reason

I am holding onto that belief

And so I took that little tug I felt

And I took a chance and made you mine

I can’t promise that I’ll be your forever

I swore I’d never make that promise again

Because I’m not easy to love

But I can promise that I want to be

And though I can’t say that I’m not afraid

Please know that I am still happy

I want our dreams to mesh

Our trust to be unbreakable

Our love to be the puzzle piece to each other

Is it scary that I already want so much?

But I know that for a while you have

Wanted to know what it would be like to love me

And secretly I wondered if you could

Now, I am yours, and you are mine

I just want a love that can last

That is why I could not ignore

Your tug on my heart

We write our story together now

And maybe instead of writing The End

We will write Eternity…

In loving memory

On March 26th, 2012, at 5:00PM, my grandma Cheryl Kaye Smith went to Heaven. She passed away from pneumonia and lymphoid cancer. I was with her during the last 10 hours of her life. She passed away 15 minutes after my mother and I left the hospital. I wrote her obituary and a poem for her and her funeral is on April 14th. I decided to use her middle name, "Kaye" in one of my novels.

In loving memory... R.I.P. Cheryl Kaye Smith

                       We were both wearing gold rings on the day she passed away...

In other news, and slightly more uplifting, I started my new job as a student worker in the accounting department at the local court house. It's a nice job.

Favorite songs from this week:

(click on each song to listen to it)
What Sarah Said by Death Cab For Cutie

Mountains by Biffy Clyro

I Gave You All by Mumford and Sons

Until We Bleed by Lykke Li
Favorite picures of this week: 

3/18/12

It's been stormy here the past two days. I am enjoying it, but sadly I've been mostly enjoying it alone.


My mom has been with her parents, helping them go through all of the items in their house since they are moving into a retirement home soon. I know it's got to be an exhausting, stressful, and emotional process for them.


My dad has been with his mom in the hospital. We found out Friday that she has cancer, and today she made the decision to start chemo therapy. She is in her 60s.


I worry about my grandparents...


Felix, my rabbit, has been showing more and more of his personality every day. Curious, playful, and rather bossy and demanding, he certainly lets me know when he's bored and when he wants attention. When he's bored, he'll rip up newspaper, ruffle up his blanket, and push around his litter box and food bowls. When he wants attention, he'll come up to me and nudge my arm or hand with his head, place his two front paws on my leg, or gently take the bottom of my pant legs in his mouth and tug. He still doesn't seem to like being held for too long, but he definitely loves to be petted on the head. I love messing with his ears. They are so cute! And all of him is super soft.


I've downloaded a few more song recently. Apprends-moi by Superbus, Fantastic Baby by Bigbang, Glad You Came by The Wanted, Turn Up The Music by Chris Brown, Feel So Close by Calvin Harris, and We Are Young by Fun.


Movies I've watched recently? Pride & Prejudice, VanHelsing with Hugh Jackman (such a hottie!), all of the Twilight movies including Breaking Dawn part 1, Finding Neverland, and today it is Alpha & Omega (such a good movie about wolves for kids!)


Also finished writing my bookreview for "Envy" by Gregg Olsen. As soon as I am provided with the website it will be posted on, I will post it on here in a separate post :)

Guess what everyone?! I got a bunny rabbit today!!! His name is Felix (aka Mr. Adorable) and he is a 3 year old holland lop and he is my new baby. Below are pictures of him. If any of you have suggestions for fun little toys or what to feed him then let me know :)

My dog, Manchu, absolutely loves Felix. Ever since I brought him home Manchu has wanted to be close to him, and he's being such a nice boy. He has given Felix a few affectionate licks, and has also tried to play with him--as if he were another dog! It was so funny! I hope that they will be best friends :)